Topic: EIU In The Pros
ROMO WATCH. On behalf of Eastern Illinois University, Billy would like to offer an apology to the Dallas Cowboys.
It isn't Tony's fault. It is not your offensive line's fault. It's our fault. We should have known better. The loss last week and the problems with the Dallas Cowboys are because Tony attended Eastern Illinois University.
We should have seen this coming. It was all too good to be true. The fame. The noteriety. The role as a Christmas cookie. The babes (plural!). It is the cruelest trick of all played by the Curse of Eastern Illinois University.
We don't get the Tony treatment. We get the Lucius treatment or, worse yet, the Plain Jane treatment. We're either mocked viciously or ignored completely. We're the teacher stuck with all the bad kids in a school that pays half the ones across town pays. We've got the skills but something, mysteriously, stops our success: like an explosive weight gain or a cheap-shot on our knees. We can't even do well in reality TV!
So you think Tony is too cocky? That's because he's bought into it, too. He thought he was supposed to be there. He's got the skills. He's fought through the competition. So why not?
Tony, you're not supposed to be there. You were carrying the weight of all of Eastern Illinois University and its alums on your shoulders. And like all the ones before you, your knees are starting to buckle.
Marry Carrie Underwood while there's still a chance. Then, when the EIU Curse consumes you and you get exiled to the Arena League, pull a Nick Lachey, divorce her and get half.
Panther nation will do all it can to give its positive mojo during this Saturday's playoff game. But this is a Herculean task. Tony, don't blame yourself. And, Dallas, don't blame Tony.
On behalf of Eastern Illinois University, we apologize.
